Raising Purity

Miss Average Student’s View of Propriety

November 30, 2009 | 0 Comments

This book originated out of my desire to arrive at a biblical, objective definition of sexual purity—a sexual purity of both body and heart. And though there is much more to purity than how we behave, our behavior is a tangible expression of our inward devotion. And what I’ve found is that many young people today lack clarity about what is appropriate regarding sexual boundaries between “dating” couples. Toward this end, I include in the book a mock (yet I think, realistic) conversation between myself and “Miss Average Student,” a conservative sixteen-year old in the local evangelical youth group.

Gerald: So I hear you have a new boyfriend.

Student: Yeah, Tom and I have been going out now for three weeks.

Gerald: Really? How’s that been going for you?

Student: It’s been going great. We have so much in common. I can already tell that we’re really going to hit it off.

Gerald: Well, I certainly hope so. Do you mind if I ask you something a little personal?

Student: Umm . . . I guess you can.

Gerald: I was just wondering what your physical relationship is like. I mean, does Tom kiss you?

Student: I . . . err . . . I don’t know.

Gerald: You don’t know, or you don’t want to say?

Student: I don’t want to say.

Gerald: Why don’t you want to say? Is there something wrong with kissing?

Student: There’s nothing wrong with kissing. I mean, there could be something wrong with kissing if two people were, like, really kissing. But if you’re just kissing, it’s not that big of a deal.

Gerald: How do you know that really kissing is bad and “just kissing” is fine?

Student: Well, you have to be careful, because if you get carried away, you can start doing things you shouldn’t.

Gerald: But how do you know what kinds of things you shouldn’t do?

Student: (pauses) I guess I’m not totally sure. I mean, I know you shouldn’t have sex . . .

Gerald: Well, I’ll mention some other things, and you tell me if you think they’re okay or not. How about holding hands?

Student: That’s fine.

Gerald: How about a good-night kiss?

Student: Fine.

Gerald: A prolonged good-night kiss, but not a French kiss.

Student: That’s fine.

Gerald: How about a lot of kissing, say fifteen minutes worth, but still no French kissing?

Student: I guess that’s okay.

Gerald: How about French kissing?

Student: Maybe, but that’s it.

Gerald: Why?

Student: I just wouldn’t feel comfortable doing anything more than that.

Gerald: So do you determine what is right based on what you feel comfortable with?

Student: Well, I guess so. Each person has to pray about it and come to his or her own standard of how far is too far. For myself, I just wouldn’t want to do any more than that.

Gerald: What if you had a friend who felt comfortable with French kissing and caressing. As long as she felt comfortable, would that be okay?

Student: Well, the guy she’s with might not feel comfortable. Maybe that would be too tempting for him and would make him want to do more than he should.

Gerald: What do you mean by “more than he should”? How do we know how far is too far for him?

Student: He needs to know that for himself, I guess.

Gerald: Okay then. Let’s say that both the guy and the girl feel comfortable with heavy French kissing and caressing. Is it okay, since they both feel comfortable with what they’re doing?

Student: (pauses) Well, I don’t think that would be right . . .

Gerald: Neither do I, but how would you convince them that they are doing something inappropriate?

Student: I guess I’m not really sure.

Miss Average Student, despite her sincerity, does not realize that the Bible restricts all sexual activity to the marriage relationship, not just sexual intercourse.  If you’re a parent or a pastor, and you couldn’t have done much better, may I recommend a book?

Categories: From the Book, How Far is Too Far?, Sexual Purity